P.O.R. Managing Reactivity
Emotional Balance
About This Practice
Reactivity happens when we respond quickly—often impulsively—to a trigger, like a harsh comment, frustrating email, or sudden stressor. Our amygdala (the brain’s emotional alarm system) kicks off a fight-flight-freeze response before our rational brain has time to weigh in. While this response is designed to protect us from threats, it’s not always helpful in modern life where calm, thoughtful action is more useful than immediate reaction.
The Pause, Observe, Respond (P.O.R.) technique helps interrupt this pattern. It gives your mind time to engage the prefrontal cortex (the reasoning part of the brain) before acting. This short pause can reduce emotional intensity and lead to better outcomes.
Key Insight: Research shows that even a brief pause reduces amygdala activity, giving your brain the space to respond rather than react (Lieberman et al., 2007).
How to Use the Focus Frame
Pause
When you feel triggered, stop.
Shake the Focus Frame to create a physical and mental interruption.
Observe
Hold the frame upright. Watch the glitter settle as you tune into your breath.
Notice what’s happening in your body—tight chest, clenched jaw, racing heart.
Respond
Once the glitter settles, ask yourself: What do I want to do now? Choose a response that aligns with your values and long-term goals.
The Science Behind It
Interrupting Automatic Impulses
Shifting your attention to a neutral activity (watching glitter or breathing) quiets the amygdala, the brain’s threat center.
Engaging the Prefrontal Cortex
Slowing down helps activate the PFC, supporting better decision-making and emotional regulation.
Neuroplasticity of Self-Control
With practice, the pause-response cycle builds neural strength for emotional regulation and impulse control (Goldin & Gross, 2010).
Extended Practice
Acknowledge the Trigger
Mentally name what caused the reaction.
Label the Emotion
Identify what you’re feeling. Naming it often reduces its intensity.
Identify the Need
Ask: What do I need right now—understanding, space, reassurance?
Choose a Constructive Response
Step away, reframe your thought, or respond assertively if needed.
Everyday Applications
After Reading a Stressful Email
Shake the frame. Take a few deep breaths. Wait before replying.
During Conflict
Use P.O.R. to avoid escalating arguments. Pause and return to the conversation once calm.
Social Media
Before commenting or reacting, pause with the frame to reset your intention.
Challenges & Solutions
"I react too quickly."
Practice the P.O.R. skill with small daily stressors to build the habit.
"Observing doesn’t calm me down."
Give yourself a little more time. Watch the glitter, focus on long exhales, or take a walk.
"I don’t know what to say instead."
Respond imperfectly but with intention. Learn from each attempt.
Reflection Prompts
What triggered me today?
Did I remember to pause?
What changed in my body after observing instead of reacting?
How did my chosen response impact the outcome?
Resources
Books
The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thích Nhất Hạnh
Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames by Thích Nhất Hạnh
Apps
Research Articles
Lieberman, M. D., Eisenberger, N. I., Crockett, M. J., et al. (2007). Putting Feelings Into Words: Affect Labeling Disrupts Amygdala Activity. Psychological Science, 18(5), 421–428.
Goldin, P. R., & Gross, J. J. (2010). Effects of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction on Emotion Regulation in Social Anxiety Disorder. Emotion, 10(1), 83–91.
Final Takeaway
The space between a trigger and your reaction is where growth happens. The Pause, Observe, Respond practice helps you reclaim that space. By using the Focus Frame to disrupt the impulse loop, you create room for wiser, calmer decisions that reflect your values—not your immediate emotions.